be a better wife

By Glenda Lesher

Waking up before dawn is difficult for me, but thankfully I have a reliable alarm clock–my husband.  He’s an early riser and makes sure the coffee is brewed and that I know what time it is.

About ten minutes after his initial wake-up call, my foggy brain hears, “Are your eyes open?”—“Is your head off the pillow?”—“Do you have both feet on the floor yet?”  I must admit that sometimes his bright-eyed enthusiasm irritates me.  “It’s easy for you to be cheerful,” I moan to no one, “you are retired.”  Once I down some hot coffee and take a shower, I’m coherent enough to mutter “good morning.”  That’s his cue, it seems, to become a motor mouth, but I don’t comprehend half of what he is saying.  If you’ve ever watched a Peanuts television special, you may remember how the parents and teachers sounded.  You don’t hear words, just “wah, wah, wah,” like a horn blowing.  I try to pay attention, but I’m afraid I’m not too convincing at times.

The evenings are a different story.  I’ve had an interesting day and I want to tell my beloved about it as well as hear about his.  Though retired, he stays busy in various ministry projects.  We talk a little at the dinner table and then go to the living room to relax.  He gets in his favorite recliner and before I realize it, I have lost him.  His eyelids are closing and his mouth is drooping.  I can’t imagine why he would want to miss this exciting conversation with me… what is wrong with him?

Communication is hard enough between men and women, but what do you do if your internal clocks are different?  Here are some tips we’ve learned over the years that have served us well in our morning person/evening person conflicts.

First, minimize the negatives.  If you can’t change anything—adjust.  My husband and I have our morning devotions immediately after breakfast and our evening devotions at the dinner table.  Any earlier than breakfast eliminates my attention and any later than dinner eliminates his.  Remember that love covers a multitude of “sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

Second, maximize the positives.  “I thank my God always concerning you” (1 Corinthians 1:4 NASB).  I really am thankful that my husband is strong where I am weak.  Not only does he make sure I get up on time, he even cooks breakfast.  He also faithfully prays for me before I leave for work.  We stay connected through a phone call during the day and we also have the freedom (as empty-nesters) for spontaneous adventures on the weekends to keep us close.

It’s highly unlikely that husbands and wives will be perfectly matched in personality, communication styles, or even mundane things like the time of the day we are most alert.  Come to think of it, wouldn’t that be boring?  Marriage completes and complements.

Oneness isn’t sameness.  Thank God!