Has resolving conflict been a problem in your marriage from the start? If not, when did it start becoming a problem? What were things like before? What has changed?
What are the most common arguments in your marriage? How long have you been arguing about those particular issues?
What have you learned about your spouse from your most common conflicts? Any helpful discoveries? Any difficult ones?
Are you ever able to really resolve a conflict—reach a point where you have a workable solution you can both live with?
Where do most of your conflicts occur (car, kitchen, bedroom)?
When do most of your conflicts occur (a particular time of day, weekends, weeknights, end of the month, holidays, etc.)?
If you have children, how does that affect your conflicts?
Do you relate to any of these common habits during conflict?
Win by overpowering the other
Yield in order to keep peace
Withdraw to avoid the conflict
Compromise by bargaining
Resolve through consideration of all sides of the issue
Do you remember what initially started the conflict?
Ask yourself, “What are my real motives in this conflict?”
Do your words encourage others to be more or less honest with you?
Are you attempting to control this other person? How do you think they would answer that question about you?
Are you willing to let go of the importance of being “right” in this?
What desire are you preoccupied with to the point of being unhealthy (e.g. it’s the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night)?
Are you willing to do the right thing in this conflict even if it means sacrificing something important to you personally?
When a certain desire is not being met, do you exhibit frustration, bitterness, anger, or depression? Have you examined before God what is causing that to rise up within you? (James 4:1-2)
What is it that you desire so much that you’re willing to justify hurting or disappointing others in order to have it?
Do your words reflect a teachable attitude, or defensiveness? How would your spouse answer that about you?
What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
