"As the spouse of a survivor, it's hard for you to listen to horrific stories about the pain endured by someone you love and at the same time feel powerless to do anything about it.  Your natural inclination is to protect your wife and shield her from harm.  Yet trying to deal with her abuse is like fighting blindfolded without a weapon."

“The struggle with shame and contempt--a common experience for everyone--is an intensely felt battle for the man or woman who has been sexually abused.”

"You were the victim of someone else's sin.  In a strange way, it's easier to blame yourself than to put the responsibility where it belongs ... The guilt belongs to the perpetrator."

“The outcome of our lives is not determined by what happens to us but by how we respond to what happens to us … We will be affected by the circumstances that form the backdrop of our lives … But those circumstances, horrendous as they may be, do not have the power to control the outcome of our lives.”

“Whether your abuser was a friend, a relative, a neighbor, or a stranger, God abhors what that person did to you.  Perhaps you are thinking, ‘If God feels this strongly about sexual abuse, why didn’t He stop my abuser?’ ... God didn’t stop your abuser because when He created us, God gave us the gift of free will.  Your abuser chose to use this gift in an evil way.  God is deeply grieved over your abuser’s actions, but because He is true to His word, God will not take back a gift He has given.  BUT, He will heal you and punish your offender.”

“Change does take time, a lot of courage, and a great deal of support, but change can happen. And if you are in an abusive situation, change must happen.”

“Deep healing, supernatural change, may take years of struggle, trial-and-error learning, and growing in strength to make the next significant move of faith.  No one ought to judge another’s growth timetable.”

 “When an abused person feels powerless, she internalizes an image of herself as profoundly inadequate.  She deeply questions her ability, competence, and intelligence. … I have worked with men and women who have attained the highest level of proficiency in their field and yet view themselves as idiots.”

“Silence protects the violators, not the victims.  May the silence be broken!”

“It may be obvious, but to most abused people it is not clear:  abuse strips a person of the freedom to choose.  Sexual abuse was never wanted nor invited; therefore, its occurrence was not a choice.  If the abuse occurred one time or hundreds, the fact does not change; to the degree that choice was denied, powerlessness was experienced and dignity was assaulted.”

"If you have been abused [sexually] in your past at any level, no matter how minor it may seem to you, and you haven't talked about it with your husband, let me challenge you to risk letting him know this about you.  My guess is, he intuitively knows something isn't 'right' anyway.  Your marriage will never grow to the place of mature, cherishing love without this difficult disclosure."

“Deep healing, supernatural change, may take years of struggle, trial-and-error learning, and growing in strength to make the next significant move of faith.  No one ought to judge another’s growth timetable.”

“Without the Lord’s healing in your life, it will be nearly impossible for you to have a healthy, intimate relationship with the mate God has chosen for you...  The Lord, not your future spouse, needs to be your focus.  Only He can help you overcome the obstacles to intimacy that sexual abuse has placed in your path.”

"The person who feels unworthy and guilty for every kindness and who has the unnerving quality of being able to snap defeat from the jaws of victory, more than likely struggles with an undealt-with abusive past.”

 “You can be free of the pain of the past – the nightmares, the shame, the fears, the lies.  You can nail all of it to the cross.  On the cross, Jesus was ‘beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed’ (Isaiah 53:5).”

“Unforgivingness doesn’t hurt the one who harmed you; it only hurts you.  No wonder it’s Satan’s preferred tool to keep abuse survivors in bondage!  If we allow him to feed our unforgiving spirit, we’ll never experience the power that forgiveness has to set us free.  Forgiveness will tear down the walls that imprison us, but we can’t know that until we try it.”

“Before we talk about anything else, you need to know that God is extremely tender to victims. Many Psalms are the heart cries of those who have suffered at the hands of others. They pour forth words describing the experiences of the afflicted, the poor, the needy, the broken, the innocent, and the helpless. This is your experience. You are afflicted. And the God and Father of Jesus Christ cares.”