“The proof that any model of parenting is effective is not how the parents and children get along. It isn’t even how well they treat and respect each other after they are all grown up. Even nonreligious families can accomplish this. The real test of a parenting model is how well-equipped the children are to move into adulthood as vital members of the human race.”

“Along with wise rules, we need appropriate consequences. Otherwise our empty rules are an invitation for the child to mock our authority. The best way to create an anarchist is to burden him with rules that are never consummated in a consequence.”

“It might seem that acting like we ‘know best’ would create security in a kid, but ironically, as the kids get older, we found it’s actually the opposite. We were quite taken aback as we heard that the teens feel more secure when their parents are vulnerable and willing to admit mistakes.”

“It is not in our children’s best interest to give them everything they want, to make life easy for them, to side with them when they are clearly wrong, or to circumvent consequences for their sins … Love is about meeting their actual needs, not their selfish needs.”

“As you have no doubt noticed, our kids will test us to see whether we’ll take charge and enforce boundaries … And sometimes that testing will include dramatic, anger-filled protests, requiring even more determination on our part to remain calm and steadfast.”

“‘No’ can be one of the most positive words in the English language … That also includes the adults saying 'no' to some of their desires too. If you expect more discipline from your kids than you are able to show, they will sense it and resent it.”

“Children need to see a harmonious marriage modeled by their parents. They need to see two imperfect people, who are vessels of God’s perfect love, keep going after they fail.”

“Children embrace what is modeled far more than what they are told. Our good advice carries clout only when it is consistent with our example.”

“As your children see you meeting your need for love, purpose, and hope through your abiding relationship with Christ, your example will put power and authenticity behind your words.”

“The battle for our children’s lives is waged out on our knees. When we don’t pray, it’s like sitting on the sidelines watching our children in a war zone getting shot at from every angle. When we do pray, we’re in the battle alongside them, appropriating God’s power on their behalf.”

“From early on, we let our children know that God had a special mission for their lives. He had gifted them with abilities, personality, and certain qualities that will help accomplish His plan. We want our children to know that it would be better to be a garbage collector in the will of God than to be on the mission field just to please their parents.”

“Nothing is more indispensable to a young child than large amounts of time and attention from a loving mother and father. Nothing.”

“The enemy uses two opposite lies to put parents in bondage. The first is that they have no control or influence over how their children have turned out … The second is that they are 100 percent responsible for how their children have turned out—that it is all their fault. They fail to recognize that, regardless of how well or poorly anyone is parented, each individual must assume responsibility for his or her own choices.”

“Beginning with the first day of life outside the womb, every child is asking two core questions: 'Am I loved?' and 'Can I get my own way?' These two questions mark us throughout life, and the answers we receive set the course for how we live.”

“There is a cause and effect between encouragement and confidence. Kids who hear well-timed and well-placed affirmation from their parents are more easily convinced of the truth the Bible says about their intrinsic worth.”

“You might have heard the old adage: it’s not quantity time that matters; it’s quality time. But really, that’s a partial truth. It is quality time that matters, but quality time can only happen when plenty of quantity time is available.”

“We have yet to meet a child (or an adult, for that matter) who feels deeply loved when he is given only occasional bursts of ‘quality time.’”

“I cannot stress enough how important it is for you as a parent to both recognize and honor who your child is and what gifts and abilities he or she possesses. Don’t overlook or play down talents that seem odd or undesirable to you. Play up your child’s gifts!”