“A man’s lust leads him to detach a woman’s body from her soul, mind, and person and use her for the sake of his selfish pleasure ... Pornography reinforces the lie that women are sexual playthings for men’s enjoyment—that women want to be used, not loved and cherished.”

“An expert in sexual issues made the following statement: ‘Ninety percent of sexual problems aren’t sexual at all--they have their roots in the emotional barriers we place between ourselves and our partners’ … The reasons why a man may lack sexual interest include changing sex roles, fear of closeness, feeling overworked and overstressed, time pressures, boredom, marital conflict, anger, and fear of sexual dysfunction.”

“If we plant seeds of wanton lust, or seeds of using and abusing people, or seeds of indiscriminate sex and self-centered pleasure, we should not be surprised by the fields of toxic weeds that cover our lives. But if we want the harvest of a loving, deep, intimate relationship, we need to understand that a loving relationship demands sexual purity.”

“It might seem that life will be easier if we take the timid path of avoiding certain uncomfortable truths or winking at selected sins, but we always reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-9). If we sow loving honesty and courageous care, we will reap growth in godliness. If we avoid confrontation, we will just get confrontation anyway, because sin unaddressed is sin unconfined.”

“People who are ‘addicted’ to pornography aren’t so much addicted to lurid material as they’re addicted to self-centeredness. They’re committed to serving themselves, to doing whatever they can to find a convenient way not to die to self, which is the nature of companionship in a relationship. “

“People are 100 percent responsible for their lives 100 percent of the time. Yet what spouses do or don’t do has a direct influence on the situation. A wife can certainly make matters worse, but she can also make matters better.”

“Taking things one day at a time is good advice because complete openness and honesty, patience as you heal, and trustworthy acts don’t happen overnight, but they will happen quickly once your husband turns his whole heart to God. Once they do, your emotions will finally catch up to his new life, and you’ll experience the loving freedom of your dreams.”

“Lust offers men the pleasure of sex devoid of the hard work of intimacy.”

“We all struggle with sin ... To whatever extent your husband has won his battle against sexual sin, he deserves extra respect. But even in defeat he needs your respect. Cherish him.”

“We definitely urge you to be purposeful about surrounding yourself with godly sisters who are navigating the same waters … You don’t want to blab your husband’s problems all over town, but being able to vent and pray with someone who cares for you can do wonders for your sanity.”

“Living happily ever after is not the only thing He has in mind. … What if God needs to change your husband by making him struggle through these problems with you? Is it not fair for God to ask you to serve Him this way after everything He’s done for you?”

“When we wives disobey God and do not make ourselves sexually available to our husbands, we block off their main, natural route for expressing intimacy. Of course, in the wake of his sexual sin or his addiction, it may be necessary to mutually agree to a sexual moratorium to allow the healing process to begin.”

“I don’t want my words to make a spouse feel ‘caught’ in sin, because I don’t want to create a temptation to be more concerned with fixing a problem than encountering God. Confrontation is not a ‘gotcha’ event. I want my spouse to encounter the Holy Spirit, sent to convict the world of sin (John 16:8), and thus to experience the cleansing and faith-inspiring work of godly sorrow over sin.”

“No marriage bed has room for three people, but that’s the situation when one partner brings in fantasies based on pornographic images.”

“The Lord has proven His undying love for you by exposing your husband’s sexual sin, and He stands ready to help you get through this. While you may not feel good about what has happened, this event could bring about one of the most hopeful times of your life. The discovery of your husband’s secret sin has revealed the true state of your marital union, and now you have the opportunity to experience something real with him. Marriage doesn’t have to be a big fat lie ... Whatever it’s been up until now, it doesn’t have to stay there.”