How did you meet one another? What did romance look like in the early part of your relationship?
What does romance look like in your relationship now?
Romance takes time. Do you have time set aside in your weekly schedule for one another? A date night, for example?
Are you able to talk about romance and non‐sexual intimacy in your marriage? What do those conversations look and feel like?
How would you describe romance? How would your spouse describe it?
What gets in the way of romance in your marriage?
What about romance in your marriage is not living up to your expectations or desires? What would you like to see change?
Have you expressed your desires to your spouse? What was their response?
Where do you find your model for romance? Movies? Other couples? Scripture?
Have you read any helpful resources on godly marital intimacy? What discoveries have you made?
What would your kids say about your love for one another?
How can I as a mentor encourage you right now in this area?
What does “affection” look like to you?
What was affection like in your family growing up (verbal and non-verbal)?
What would you like to be different in the way your family (or your spouse) shows affection?
How did your father and mother show affection differently?
On a scale of 1-10, how much affection do you feel like you have in your marriage right now? What would you like it to be if you could patiently and gently affect
change?
Have you and your spouse discussed your sexual past with one another? When did you do that? Do you feel that each of you were fully honest in that disclosure?
How familiar are you with how men and women view romance differently? With this in mind, how are you looking for ways to meet your spouse’s unique needs?
In what ways are you considering your spouse’s needs above your own, or are your demands front and center? (Philippians 2:3‐4)
How do you and your spouse resolve conflicts without allowing bitterness or resentment to creep in? Is anything unresolved over past grievances?
How could your spouse take one small step in the right direction? Have you asked God for wisdom in how and when to express this to your spouse?
What is your plan to combat busyness, isolation, or stress in your home? What can you do today to start dealing with these “little foxes ruining the vineyard,” i.e. things that come between you? (Song of Solomon 2:15)
Do you pray together and ask God to be at the center of your marriage? Is He your “first love?” (Revelation 2:4‐5)
How would you rate you and your spouse in terms of non-sexual physical closeness (e.g. holding hands, snuggling, hugging)? How has that contributed to or taken away from your overall feelings of sexual intimacy?
Do you go to bed at the same time at night? Do you go to bed early enough to talk and listen and laugh together?
Is your bedroom a sanctuary or is it full of distractions, such as television, computer, kids’ toys, or clutter? What would you and your spouse think about removing those distractions together? How would that be helpful to you?
What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
