What expectations do you have about sex in marriage? What are your spouse’s expectations? Have you discussed those?
Can you remember a time when your sex life was a satisfying and rewarding part of your marriage? Why were things working so well then as opposed to now? What specific things have changed? When did things start to change?
When you discuss sex, are you affirming of your spouse or do you choose words that are degrading or hurtful?
Do you save enough time and energy to enjoy lovemaking or is your schedule so full it’s just one more “to do” on your list?
Is friendship and companionship the foundation of your lovemaking? Could you invest more in that area?
Is your bedroom a sanctuary or is it full of distractions, like television, computer, kids’ toys, laundry, or clutter? What if you worked with your spouse to remove those distractions to create a bedroom that felt like an oasis for just the two of you?
Do you go to bed at the same time? Do you allow enough time to talk and listen and laugh together?
Do you and your spouse practice proper hygiene? If you feel this is a problem, would you be willing to talk to your spouse?
Are you and your spouse getting enough exercise to stay in shape and maintain energy for sexual intimacy?
Are you or your spouse holding onto bitterness or resentment over past grievances?
Does your sex edify your spouse? Are you seeking to meet your spouse’s needs first? How would your spouse answer that?
Is the past negatively affecting your sex life? Poor habits that have needed to change? Past sexual sin needing forgiveness? Past abuse needing wise counsel and healing?
Is there any emotional or physical abuse presently in your marriage? What does that look like? Have you sought help?
How do you think God views sex in marriage? What changes do you think He would want the two of you to make?
Are there specific questions or concerns that you’d like to discuss with me?
What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?