Esteem them for coming to you, admitting their pain, and seeking help
Encourage your mentee to get involved in a local, bible‐believing church for spiritual growth and encouragement
Encourage them with Scriptures of hope and help—God’s comfort, God’s hope, God’s purpose, and God’s plan
Let them know that while not every marriage that is challenged by adultery does survive, many do. If appropriate, encourage them with examples you are personally aware of where a marriage has been restored.
Let them know that restoration of a marriage following an adulterous relationship is hard work, but there are steps they can take to move in that direction
Let them know that it is normal for the offended spouse to take a very long time to heal, possibly as long as or longer than the affair itself. Encourage them to be patient as this process may take much longer than they thought it would.
Assure them that you care about them and plan to be with them to find solutions together
Encourage them to be completely open with their spouse regarding their fears and their need for evidence of trustworthiness
Encourage them that it’s okay not to feel like trusting right now… trust has been broken and will return on its own timetable. Trust is a by-product of lasting change and continued, proven fidelity.
Encourage them to seek a same sex friend who will hold them accountable for the steps they need to make toward forgiveness and changes they need to make to reconcile their marriage
Encourage them to invite God into their relationship with their spouse by praying together daily
Encourage them to read appropriate Online Helps from within this Mentor Guide and discuss these with you
Encourage them to do the hard work of forgiveness and to take the risk of rebuilding trust with their repentant spouse again
Encourage them to seek biblical counsel where necessary to guide them in fully restoring their marriage over time
Remind them that the goal is not just to speak the right words of forgiveness but to offer true grace toward their spouse
