Bonus B: Top 5 All-Star Moves – You got this!
About the Guest
- For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com
- For more from Dr. Juli Slattery, visit https://www.authenticintimacy.com/.
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Brian GoinsBrian and his wife Jen love building into families and eating great food together. They have three children who all want to move to Montana. Brian serves as Sr. Director Special Projects at FamilyLife. He is also the executive producer on an adolescent-focused documentary series called Brain, Heart, World (brainheartworld.org) aimed at helping change the conversation about pornography in our country and has written Playing Hurt: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage.
Shaunti FeldhahnShaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers...more
In episode 2.1 you heard the top 5 “rookie mistakes” of husbands who want more sex with their wives. Now learn from host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn your top 5 “all-star moves.” You got this!
Bonus B: Top 5 All-Star Moves – You got this!
Brian: Welcome to part two of this special edition of Married With Benefits Questions Every Husband is Asking. I’m your host Brian Goins along with Shaunti Feldhahn. This season we’re helping husbands to learn to live with our wives in an understanding way, but sometimes, let’s just be honest, Shaunti, a guy just has a one-track mind.
Shaunti: Kind of—every now and then—occasionally.
Brian: Occasionally. Almost all the time. We get it guys and in part one we told you what not to do, our top five rookie mistakes for guys wanting to have more sex with their wives. Now it’s time to get dude perfect with our very best tips for more sex in marriage. Here’s our top five all-star moves for husbands who just want more sex.
Shaunti: Number five, take care of yourself spiritually and physically. Guys, your attraction to your wife is very physical but her attention to you is actually wholistic. Yes, she wants you to take care of yourself physically, but she also cares about you taking care of yourself overall and that includes other things that matter to her. Like you’re taking care of yourself emotionally. For example, guys, do you have other friends that you’re investing in? Men that are part of your life where she sees you as part of a squad that can be part of your life.
Or taking care of yourself spiritually. Like are you going to church? Are you praying with her? Is this something that you’re investing in your life? and then of course physically but it doesn’t just mean going to the gym guys. It also means that she sees you doing things like being willing to go to the doctor if you need to.
Brian: That’s right guys. It’s not about just looking like the rock, seriously. Go to the doctor, bro. You’ve got this!
Number four, preparation leads to activation. Listen, if our sex drives could be compared to kitchen appliances, Shaunti, ladies tend to be more like crockpots, us guys are like microwaves. We’re ready to go. Well, she needs some anticipation time. If you’ve got some idea of what you want on the menu that night, you need to let her know in advance.
Brian: Send that out by dropping hints. Build the anticipation. The pro husbands revived the lost art of romance / a flirtation. They build anticipation in the mind of their wife about what they’re hoping for, what they’re desiring, and how, ultimately, she’s still the main squeeze. That she’s still the object of your affection. Act like it’s worth looking forward to and it will be. You’ve got this!
Shaunti: Number three, eye contact and ear contact leads to physical contact. In other words guys, sex. See the key is to pay attention to your wife: looking at her, listening to her, not being distracted, putting down your cell phone. It makes her feel cared for. If you’re putting down your smart phone / if you’re turning away from the television when she’s trying to talk to, it actually makes her feel like: okay, she kind of matters to you and guess what’s sort of important if she’s interested in sex later.
So when you’re listening to her, just remember guys, the all-star tip here is to listen to her feelings / draw out her feelings and she’ll feel very cared for. Just remember to also give her anticipation time.
Brian: Yes, let her be your screen. Put those screens down, guys, and listen. You’ve got this!
Number two, pray with her. Most ladies find this so attractive and it is one of the most undervalued things of most husbands.
Shaunti: Yes, it is.
Brian: I wish I had got started with this a ton earlier. I was intimidated about praying with my wife. I felt insecure / felt like I had to pray in the King James only. Like I had some incredible awesome long prayers. Here’s a little insider tip about the Bible. Most prayers in the Bible are incredibly short. My favorite verse in the Bible about prayer is God is in heaven, you are on earth so let your words be few.
Shaunti: I like that.
Brian: And so all she’s looking for guys is for you to grab her hand and pray about whatever is most pressing on your heart. She wants to know that there’s a king in the castle and it’s not you. One of the best things that you can do is to go vertical before you go horizontal. You’ve got this!
Shaunti: And the number one—
Brian: Here it comes
Shaunti: —all-star move is to say “I do” again, and again, and again. Remember your wife isn’t like you. For you, “I do” is done. Like “Of course, your loved. Of course, you’ve got a strong marriage.” Remember that for her, subconsciously in her mind, the question is “Do You?” and that will be a question in her heart every day and she has that question “Does he really love me?” every day. So in other words, she needs to know the answer / your answer to that question every day.
So when you hold her hand when you’re walking across the parking lot or you send her a sweet little text message that says “I love you so much. You’re such a great mom. I’m so glad you married me ten years ago,” or whatever it is, you’re giving her a bedrock foundation of knowing that you love her, and she will want to love you in return. Just remember to give her that anticipation time. Can you tell that I’m trying to get the guys to remember that?
Brian: I can tell that you’re trying over and over. Guys, it’s about preparation, warming her heart, and who knows what might happen after that. So alright guys, you heard it loud and clear, “I do” every single day. You got this!
Start today by signing up for our 365-day devotional email. It’s called I Do Every Day. These quick reads keep it simple for you and it’s great easy tips for telling your girl “I love you again today. You’re the only one for me.” Sign up, right now, at FamilyLife.com/Ido.
Well there’s our two special editions: The Rookie Mistakes and The Pro-Tips. Share this with somebody. There’s other guys that need to hear this.
Brian: Well I’m your host Brian Goins. You got this!
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